The Power of NO
NO is one of the most powerful words that few people know how to say effectively. No is associated with setting boundaries which in turn results in more autonomy, success, and happiness. Setting boundaries is an important aspect of personal growth and self-care. These boundaries can be physical, emotional, or psychological in nature, and they help establish a sense of safety, respect, and control in our relationships and interactions with others.
When we set boundaries, we are essentially creating a clear framework for how we want to be treated and taking back our time for things that really matter to us to align with our values and purpose. We might set boundaries by providing clear times for when we are available. One of my clients, Ethan (real person but name changed to protect his privacy), was struggling with life. His father passed away and he was left helping his mother with her finances, house projects, and anything else she needed in addition to spending time with his own wife and children and the responsibilities that go with it. His exact words “I felt like I was just going through the motions each day. I’m there but not really present”. There was no joy left in his life and he felt as though he wasn’t pleasing anyone. He had no time for self-care and he felt depleted. It was so bad that he ended up taking leave from work before he came to see me and felt like he was on his way to depression. Through a series of coaching sessions, he learned to set clear expectations with his mother on the days/times that he will be available to help, had a conversation with his spouse about what they’re able to manage at home, and outlined a schedule for himself to exercise and take care of himself. I was curious as to whether this actually helped with his mood, energy, and addressed his burnout. A few months later, I followed up with Ethan to see how things have been going. He said he’s never felt better. By setting boundaries with everyone in his life he was able to regain control of his time.
One of the benefits of setting boundaries is that it allows us to take control of our lives and our relationships. By setting clear expectations and communicating them effectively, we are able to maintain a sense of autonomy in our interactions with others. This can help to reduce stress, improve our self-esteem, and lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
It sounds easy enough but it’s not, especially if we are used to putting the needs of others before our own. It can be challenging to say no, setting boundaries, and to ask for what we need, especially if we are worried about upsetting or disappointing others. It might sound selfish to set boundaries, but instead think of it as a necessary part of self-care and personal growth. To set boundaries effectively, it is important to be clear about what we want and need and then communicate it without being aggressive.
What boundaries are needed in your life for you to become your best self?
